It’s finally happening!
It’s Thursday 11th July 2019.
I’m sat on flight 1188, having left Dusseldorf an hour and a half late, due to a cabin crew member having a car accident on the way in to work today, and I am smiling on the inside. Not at the accident, of course, but at the fact that for years and years I’d said to myself that one day I would do this and I’m actually finally doing it. I remember years ago when my sister and some friends came back from their 6-week trek to South America full of stories and adventure and I just thought wow, one day that will be me. Of course, we are very different ages, as she was a lot younger then, but in my opinion, as long as there is still life in your bones and breath in your body it is never too late to fulfil a dream.
So here I am on this turbulent plane (secretly praying I make it across the Atlantic!) alone in my aisle and feeling reflective. On my way to the airport my dad, after giving me a quick harrowing synopsis of the movie ‘Taken’ whilst emphasising the importance of having my wits about me, confronted me with a question that made me pause.
“So, what made you decide to do this then?”
I took a moment to gather my thoughts before I answered which I’m sure to him came across as hesitation and as though I had no real idea as to what I was doing with my life (and I’m sure it probably looks that way to many others!) But the reality is, I took the pause because sometimes it’s hard to explain to people a process that makes so much sense in your heart but when said out aloud sounds like you’ve lost the plot. I mean there’s a reason and a plan for this trip, of course there is, but to find the words to express the vision you have on the inside is sometimes a struggle.
So what did I say? I explained to him that first and foremost I loved to travel and that as opposed to just taking another holiday, this time, I wanted to fully immerse myself in the culture of the places I visited and really step up in my sense of adventure. It was time to get my brave on. I fleshed out my answer by explaining further that at the beginning of the year I wrote a list of all the things I loved doing – dancing, salsa, hiking, being outdoors, carnival, eating, lazing around on a beach – and I matched up different countries against this list. Most of the countries landed in the Caribbean and South America, so I decided to focus on that region of the world and turn it into the trip of a lifetime; the trip I had been putting off for so long. I told my dad I loved adventure and that this trip would give me that. I explained that I would start off in Cuba where I had enrolled on a Salsa Dance package at a school in Santiago de Cuba and be given classes led by professionals over the course of two weeks. I would then travel across to Barbados to meet my friend Brittany and be part of the 2019 Crop Over carnival before jetting off with her to a luxurious 5* all-inclusive resort in St. Lucia for some relaxation (I know right). Once I’ve had my beach fix, I’d then say bye to Brittany and fly over to South America where I’d travel across Peru and Bolivia for a month as part of another tour package; camping in the Amazon rainforest, visiting the Salt Flats, hiking the Inca Trail and staying with the locals in Lake Titicaca amongst other things.
I waited for his response. “Oh. Ok”, he said without so much as taking his eyes off the road. And that was that. Ha!
One thing I did say, and a factor that I think is probably the most important in all of this, was timing. Why now?
To be honest, I don’t think there has been a better time in my life for me to do something like this. I am at a mature age where I have my wits about me and can really appreciate this trip as something more than just a thing one does on a gap year. I can financially support the trip without having to rely on anyone, and can sustain my means for a while when I get back if I am unable to get a job straight away. I live alone. I have no dependants or long-term partner that I have to take into account. And, as if that wasn’t enough reason, the role I was in at work was a maternity cover and the lady confirmed she was definitely coming back so the company were unable to keep me. I mean if that is not a sign, then I don’t know what is. As devastating as it was at the time, it presented me with opportunity and gave me the push I needed to get planning. Like I said, if there was ever a time to do this it’s now, and I am definitely saying yes to life.
So, what am I expecting? I mean it would be silly to go away on a trip like this and have no expectations and we all know I am a bit extra (lol) so, I will admit, my expectations are high. Very high. I mean come on, a lot of time, planning and money has gone into this so I’m expecting big things. I want this trip to be life-changing. I want it to shape and mould me into the person life needs me to be. I want to get my courage back and get my brave on. I want to challenge myself and grow in ways I never imagined was possible. I want to make new friends, try new experiences and create new memories. I want to get better at the things I love and be open to new opportunities. I want to re-connect with myself.
I think sometimes we become attached to the idea that somewhere in our future there is a landing spot. A place we need to strive for in order to feel like we have ‘made it’. But the reality is there is no “when I just get to here then…”, or “when I finally have this then…”. Life is just life, it’s ever moving. And when we become fixated on that landing spot we set ourselves up as we get so caught up on that thing we so badly want that we fail to enjoy the journey and sometimes miss the blessings and opportunities along the way. The reality is there is no ‘one aim’ because life is full of wonder. And think about it, you work hard to reach that one goal, then what? Life doesn’t stop. No, it carries on.
Another major perspective shift I’ve had recently is on the “should’s”. I no longer live by The Curse of The Should’s (blog post on this coming soon!) If there is one thing that irks me as a 30-year-old young lady, it’s the should’s. Now that you are 30 you should be thinking of settling down and getting married; now that you are 30 you should start having babies as your biological clock is ticking; now that you are 30 you should think about taking out a mortgage and buying a house. Oh, I could go on.
All long. All pressure. All opinions from people who are not walking my path and it’s amazing how people can have such strong opinions on your life, eh. But what I feel is worse is the way the should mentality in fact ends up keeping some people trapped in a life that they often go on to later resent. Trying to fit the mould and keep up with the Joneses gets us nowhere. It limits our creativity and keeps us stuck in situations we know deep down we don’t want to be in. We eventually get used to slapping on that fake daily smile, pretending we are OK, and pushing through in the rat race.
And is it really worth it?
I guess that’s a question for each of us to answer individually. But for me, no thanks. I am not intimidated by the should’s and much prefer to do my best to create the life I want to live. After all, if any of that was meant to be for me at 30 I would have it. I trust God’s plan for my life so for now I’ll just keep moving forward doing the things I love and enjoy and trust that when the time is right, those other things will find me because, don’t get me wrong, I do want them… just not by force. And please understand that I am in no way saying it’s wrong to have a life plan that looks like that, or to want any of that by a certain age. As long as it comes out of your own personal desire and not the pressure of external sources then by all means go for it. At the end of the day life is something we all have to journey through and we will all be accountable in the end for what we did with it.
Life is short and there is no time like the present to live it how you want.
So, with that said. Cuba, here I come. I’m trusting my journey, believing this is the right time and expectant that great things are going to come from this adventure of a lifetime. I hope this encourages you to think of a place in your life where you can also take a leap of faith? What “should” can you let go of or break off your life? What are your expectations for the season you are currently in?
Have a think. Who knows, you may just realise that in some areas of your life it’s time for a change of thinking.